She's Leaving Home
by Reynsi
Summary: This is a one-off story, set one evening in the future, the night before one of the main characters' children leaves home for college. Hope you enjoy, and feel free to comment.


This is a one-off fic, taking place during one evening in the future. I hope you enjoy, and feel free to comment!

**She's Leaving Home**

"How did you and dad meet? I mean, I know you've known each other since forever, but I mean, when did you get together?"

I'm sitting by the sea with my daughter, who's growing up from a teenager to a young woman. In fact, she's leaving home tomorrow to go to college. And not just leaving home. She's leaving town, the county, the state, and almost the entire country. She's off to Berkeley.

– I know, California!

I can't believe she's going to college. It seems like only yesterday that I took her to school on her first day. Guess that's never gonna change. I know, I'd see grey hair on my head if I didn't go every two or three weeks to get my roots done! And I admit that I've considered botox and other options for those lines around my eyes. Not done it, though. Swear to God! Not yet, anyway.

We've been sitting here for the last couple of hours, talking about the future, hers and mine and her dad's. He's working late tonight. Not for the first time in our marriage, I might add. But I knew that when we got together. But he'll make the time up to her when they drive across the country together. I'm sorry to say that I can't join them – my work doesn't allow me to take that much time off, and he has loads of unused holidays. I mean, it doesn't really matter when the sheriff takes a holiday – crime has no day off, really – but a high school teacher can't just take a break whenever he fancies it.

"Well, Amy, were should I start? As you said, I've known Daddy Doug forever, and you know that your uncle Pacey is one of my best friends from high school and we've known each other since then really. You should have heard the way your uncle constantly teased him about being gay back then, even after I came out. It was kind of nasty, but hilarious all the same. I never really thought about it at the time, whether it was true or not. Probably too busy with my own insecurities to think about anyone else's, I guess. But then, when we left high school, we all left town for college or something. I've told you a million times that me and your mom finally agreed to go to Boston together. I wanted to go to New York, but she and Grams managed to persuade me to come to Boston with them. And once we left town, I didn't give your Daddy another thought. Not a single one!"

Although laughing, Amy looked at my sceptically. "I'm sure he was there somewhere deep down."

Yes, my daughter is a romantic. She's surely followed most of the advice her mum gave her in that video she made with Dawson just before her death.

"Perhaps!" No need to spoil her ideals, is there? "But anyway, I didn't give him a conscious," I emphasised that last word, "thought after I left town. We had a great time in Boston. Well, mostly. College isn't all fun and games as you'll soon find out, you know. But then we decided to go to New York, as you also know, and that's where we finished college. I often wonder why I came back to Capeside."

"Fate!" My daughter stated firmly. What did I say? – A romantic!

"Probably!" Maybe I am as well. "In any case, after spending a glorious couple of years in the Big Apple, I hadn't found any decent work after college … I was staying with Grams and my dad sent me some money every month, so it wasn't like I was hard pressed, but you know, it got a bit tired. Okay, I'll be honest, I did have a great time those first few months after graduation – no stress, no studying, no tests, it was brilliant! – But in the end, I wanted something to do. Your mom got some part-time jobs here and there, before getting a permanent job in that art gallery she then later took over, but I wasn't getting anything that excited me."

I have to admit that I'm not being totally up front with my daughter. My life was a real mess around this time, I can see now. I was going out a lot, both alone and with my boyfriend Billy. He was a DJ, playing late sessions most nights, and I'd often tag along to gigs, and we'd get up to all sorts of stuff, but I'm not gonna tell Amy that!

"Me and your mom, we were both of us in great relationships at the time…" I noticed the grim look on my daughter's face and added, "at least, that's what we'd convinced ourselves. Then your mom became pregnant and grown-up life just hit us. She decided to move in with your … you know … dad, and just after that, I…"

I suddenly got quiet and had to clear my throat to stop my voice from breaking. It surprised me how difficult it still was to say what was coming next – how much it still hurt. It's not like I'm still in love with that guy, but pride is a funny thing.

"… sorry, I walked in on my boyfriend Billy in bed with one of our friends, I decided that I'd had enough of New York and wanted to leave the city. They'd been seeing each other for a few months behind my back, you know." I shrugged at the thought.

"Why have you never told me this part before?" I could see that Amy was shocked at the revelation.

"Well, it's not something you like to brag about, that someone you love falls in love with someone else. So, I shouted and threw some things at him when he came to clear his stuff from my room … not my finest moment, I admit, but it felt good … and then when he was gone I rang your mom and told her I was moving back to Capeside."

Here I am again censoring a part of the story. After all, it is my eighteen-year-old daughter who is my audience. I'm not gonna tell her that before I actually moved I got drunk a few times – okay, a lot – and slept with a few guys – okay, several guys – just to try and make myself feel better. Not that it worked. And I guess the censorship isn't working either, but Amy's too polite – or too prudish when it comes to the idea of her dad actually having sex – to dig deeper into this great hole in my story. After all, she knows that I didn't return to Capeside until a few weeks after she was born.

"So, all of a sudden, I'm back in Capeside, looking for a job, when Grams calls me telling me one of the English teachers is leaving the job. How she found out from New York I don't know, as nobody in Capeside seemed to have heard about it. She was an amazing woman, you know, and I'm so glad you got to know her, Amy, even if it was only for a short while. She really saved my life, honestly. If not for her, I don't know what I'd done. I might have ended up on the street, you know! She took me in when my life was falling apart, and I don't think I ever thanked her enough for it."

Feeling the tears press against the back of my eyes I decided to change the subject.

"But that's a story for later. I'm not ready to tell you everything about my teenage angst. Not yet." I managed a laugh to hide the sniff. "Anyway, off I went to see the Principal, and, of course, Grams was right. They had a job coming up in the fall and so I applied and got it. But before then, I had a whole summer to spend, and I spent it helping Pacey out at The Ice House. He'd just bought it and needed a helping hand. And that's where I met your Dad again."

"So, did you hit it off right away?" Apparently, Amy's not satisfied with this hurried version.

"Weeell, I wouldn't really say that. You know how he is, right? He's a bit …"

"Uptight?" She offers.

"Your words, not mine, in case you repeat this story to anyone!"

We both laugh before I continue.

"Anyway, despite all of Pacey's teasing, Doug had never admitted to anyone that he was gay. Never! And as far as I'm aware off, and you can ask him if you don't believe me, he'd never been with a man before. No, he was so deep in the closet that he could have been lost somewhere in Narnia!"

"I can't really imagine that!" Amy gives me a rather bewildered look. "He's one of the most openly gay men I've met. Much more open about it than you are! And more obvious, I might add!"

"I know, and you should be glad that he changed. He's a much nicer person for it! His fuse was so short back then, but once we had you, he really opened up. It was like nothing could faze him after he moved in with us. You gave him that strength! You know he loves you more than life itself!"

"I know!" My daughter's eyes seem a bit shinier than before, but perhaps it's only the moonlight.

"Anyway, here I am, all of a sudden back in Capeside, working in the bar, and one day Casey makes the comment that Doug is stopping by, checking up on things, every night, sometimes even a few times throughout the day. Something he'd never done before, unless he had a night off and fancied a drink. Obviously, I'd only arrived, so couldn't really compare it to anything, but I became more aware of his visits, and then I noticed that he always managed to find a reason to talk to me, and often he'd leave without talking to his brother at all. You should have been a fly on the wall those first few weeks. I became so self-aware during his visits, and in the end I decided to ask him out for a drink, just to get to the bottom of things. Then, the night when I'd decided to ask him, he, of course, doesn't turn up. And not the next day or night, either. On the third night, I asked Pacey for Doug's number, and when I was just about to call him, I was already holding the phone and was punching in the digits, I heard him call out my name behind my back."

I lean back and look up in the starlit sky.

"'Jack' he said, 'can we talk?' I turned around and I remember smiling at him, and said 'Yes, of course', and then he led me out on the porch outside the restaurant and we took a seat a bit away from the customers. He then didn't say anything for what felt like forever, but probably was only about a thirty seconds, and then all of a sudden blurted out, 'Do you wanna go for a dinner some time?', and then jumped up and started walking towards the parking lot, so I just shouted, much louder than necessary, 'Yes!' And before I knew it, I was following him to his police car, and when he sat down behind the wheel, we'd already agreed that he'd come to my place for dinner the following night. And that's basically it. It took a few weeks for him to allow me to tell my friends, Pacey included, but, between you and me, of course, I rang your mom right away with the news. I could never have kept anything like this from her!"

"So, now that you've been together forever…" She begins, but I interrupt her.

"Hey, it's not like we're hitting ninety! I'm forty-two, for crying out loud. Mind you, your dad's obviously already middle-aged, but I'm still young…ish!"

"Vanity!" My daughter giggles, and then continues, "so is he the love of your life?"

"The love of my life," I whisper to myself in question, before continuing in a louder voice, "I haven't been thinking in those terms for a long time, if I'm honest. I used to dream about the great love of my life when I was a teenager, but then life took over. Your dad's certainly been a constant love in my life, along with you, of course. There are so many people in my life that I love and have loved, and it's difficult to tell in percentages how much I love each person."

For once tonight I'm not trying to hide anything from my daughter – I really find it difficult to give an honest answer to her question, because I'm not certain that I've been sharing my bed, my life, with the love of my life for the last seventeen and a half years. I know who I think of as my soul mate – but that's a bit different from Love of My Life, isn't it?

"Okay, dad, try this. Close your eyes! Imagine you're walking down a long stairway to a dark basement. Count your steps down, slowly, from fifty."

I obey her instructions, counting down. I feel my awareness of my surroundings fading away and I'm almost falling asleep when I hear my daughter's voice whispering:

"If you should die here and now, which face pops up in your mind? Which face would you want to look at before you left or after you were gone?"

There's not one, but three faces that appear in my mind. One of them belongs to my daughter, who's sitting here next to me, another to her mother, my best friend, my soul mate Jen. The third and largest face belongs to my partner, my rock, Doug. I guess that's my answer.


End file.
